Everywhere I look in my house, there are improvements to make, and I am not talking about the building where my family lives. By home, I mean where you spend most of your time. Our houses shelter us; our personalities and bodies are home, and sometimes home is not so sweet. Here are five recommendations that might change the appearance of where you live.
The aisles of Lowes and Home Depot fill with homeowners seeking hardware and lumber to make home repairs. Often couples debate and argue about how to manage a project. Sometimes heated arguments take place at the service desk as clerks try to smooth over a consumer’s anger. The irony is that the do-it-yourself homeowner has emotional leaking valves with a few loose planks. Their conversation recommends some repair projects on their true residence, where they really live.
We all have unfinished home improvement projects (if you think you don’t, ask your spouse). Home projects show up on a list. We check them off, and move on to the next one. We study, plan, construct, repair, and feel satisfaction with the project’s completion. We also have many unfinished personality projects; just how do we get them fixed and finished?
Home Depot and Lowes have talented folks for plumbing, carpentry, electrical, and gardening. Where do we find helpful resources to fix the circuits of our personality, or nail down a loose plank in our biography? Who helps us with personal improvement? How do we get the job done?
A colleague said to me, “Ray, we can only help those who want to help themselves.” During another conversation he told me, “Most people over age 30 have a hard time making changes in their personalities.” The die is caste; the mold is set. Often frustration shows up when we get stuck and perplexed by a personality flaw. We stride through the aisles of life angry rather than resourceful. We walk in circles rather than marching to the help desk. Sometimes, we head to the parkinglot muttering about everyone else’s incompetence. Our house remains a shambled shack with rusted events strewn on the front lawn.
Many suffer such burdens, and they are not alone. The American Psychological Association states that more than 50% of the US population has a relative stuck in the stupor of alcoholism. An alcoholic’s dis-repair or dispair shows up in anger, memory loss, and depression. Just about 14 million American adults abuse themselves and their family (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism). “Young adults, ages 18-29, have the highest rate of alcohol problems,” according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. This group is more likely to confront personal violence than other age groups.
We all face dangers, and we face them at an early age. Setting ourselves free, getting the home-repairs to our personality fixed is challenging and hopeful. You just have to get into the right aisle to find the person with expertise fitting your need. Before doing that, Here are a few pointers (this is just an outline, not a total solution).
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Find a qualified professional.
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Research the cause of your need.
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Record the progression of events bringing you to this point.
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Change your thought patterns: think positively about your potential to fix the problem(s).
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Work on each repair until you (or someone else) sees measureable results.
Whether young or old, personal repair projects can be fixed. Neither youth or old age imperil your potential. Your perceptions of success will determine the results achieved and the way you get the work done. If you can follow directions and act on what you learn with a life-time commitment toward self-improvement, your life experiences will improve. If you give up, or decide to live within the malaise of routine, you will forget the adventures of youth and old age. Using the right tools and following a plan with professional guidance could turn a shack into a castle, a pauper into a king.
We know it is possible because we take steps to make it happen. According to an American Psychological Association study, more than 50% of all Americans seek counseling or therapy. Not every therapeutic session works. A few factors help you achieve success. It is similar to getting a home improvement project completed.
Ever wandered up and down aisles at home improvement centers seeking the right person to answer your question. Oh, we can find plenty of answers, but many times the answer just does not make sense. We walk away thinking, “I know that will not work.”
Finding a healthcare professional or personal counselor is the same. You have to interview many to find one. The “one” hears you, replies, and you know what your hearing makes sense. You finally have someone who knows what they are talking about, speaks your language, and directs you on how to get the repairs done.
When this happens, you find yourself motivated to work. It takes work, perspiration, and moments of frustration. At times, you will bang your thumb. At the end of some projects you will realize it came out @$! backwards, and you have to do it over, but you will do it over until you get it reasonably right.
How do I know this works. I have done it. Finding the right person was serendipitous. He was recommended, but it did not go well at first. We met on Friday afternoon. At the beginning of one session he said, “Ray, you are like a little boy who had the covers over his head. You lowered them to your chin, but that is all you are doing; you are not willing to work. You are wasting your money and my time. It is better to end these sessions.” I went home dumb, baffled, and angry. After hours of thinking, I called his answering machine saying, “I am ready to work.” It took ten years, two times a week. One day he said to a group of three, “Ray is bored. Ray on Monday come in to say good bye,” and on Monday I did. That was 20 years ago.
Our homes need constant repair and so do we. It is easier to fix a leaking pipe or a creaking stair. Those projects require tools and instruction to get the job done. Our personalities work similarly. If we struggle with issues derived from youth and family, or an event we did not plan or expect, then help is what we should seek, work is what we should do, and a finished and well-done project is what we should expect.
Copyright © 2006, A. Raymond Randall. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.